The night Marik stole Christmas
by Nadia Blackrose
Summary: Marik and his evil council of doom plan on kidnapping Santa Claus. Parody rated T just for the language used.
1. Chapter 1

**The night Marik stole Christmas**

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**Disclaimers :**

**I don't own the Yugioh characters, nor the ideas of Little Kuriboh, I just got inspired to create my own ones.**

**Bored of Chrtistmas stories? Let's ruin Chrtistmas, a council of evil doom parody!**

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**Somewhere in Egypt...**

**Marik gathers once more his evil council of doom**

Marik : Goddamnit! Christmas is coming and we haven't figured out yet how to anhinilate Yugi!

Weevil : I hate winter, it kills my lovely bugs!

Rex : No ones gives a sh*t for your stupid bugs, dinosaurs endure the cold.

Zombie boy : Brains!

Rex : Yes zombie boy, cold preserves brains, too.

Pegasus : I don't care what you say, fossil boy! It's just sex that keeps you warm.

Marik: Silence my servants! You're all pathetic! Let's get to the point : we want to destroy Yugi! I want you to think with your small brains how to do it!

Zombie boy : Brains...

**Marik kicks zombie boy out**

Pegasus : Why don't we get a break? It's Christmas time. I love Chrtistmas, I love to get dressed as Santa Claus and give presents to the kids...

Marik : No one asked your opinion gay old man.

Bakura : I hate Christmas, it's so stupid to decorate a flashing stupid tree, and those smiles get on my nerves.

Zorc : I've got an idea! Let's ruin Christmas! Ha ha ha ha!

Marik : Wait just a minute you f**cking fool! Ruin the Christmas, that sounds brilliant! We kidnap the f**cking old man and Yugi will not get any presents! That's terrific! The point is, where we shall find that red dressed pervert!

Weevil : The song says he's from Caesarea. And he's got some stupid reindeers with him. Wonder how they manage to sustain the megatons of that freaking bastard!

Marik : Lets open the map! I wanna see where he is!

Zorc : Take my gps you mortals! I bought it to know what will remain once we destroy the world! Ha ha ha ha!

Bakura : Stupid freak, just shut up and give it to me!

**Marik gets impressed by looking at the gps**

Marik : Oh there he is! Let's get a plan on how to kidnap him! Bakura, you get dressed as reindeer. Your hair is forming horns, he will not notice.

Bakura : Why not send Santa to the Shadow Realm? I love stealing souls and torture them to death!

Marik : For they will suspect us, you fluffy boy! We shall keep that man imprisoned an free him when Christmas is over.

Author : What about Greece you stupid girly men? He visits Greece at new years eve, not at Christmas!!

Bakura : Shut up, no one cares what happens to Greece as long as Santa will not visit Yugi.

Author : Fine, I should have put you clean the toilet at the story ''Use it you fool!'' with your tongue!

Pegasus : I have an idea, let me dress as an old man! I love under aged girls who tickle my bunny! I tell them it's my third hand and they greet it!

Marik : Sh*t the f*ck up you damn one eyed mortal or I'll have Bakura take you the second eye as well!

**Pegasus sighs**

Pegasus : Whatever! Do as you please lovely boys! I'm gonna put some moisturising shearing for the occasion demands it. I want to have a skin so tender and smooth that feels like the ass of a baby!

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_**Stay tuned, another chapter is waiting once I find more time!**_

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	2. Chapter 2

**Plan A**

**Author : I messed up in the last chapter, so let me give you some info concerning the Greek Santa. He is called Santa Bill and he is the one who lives in Caesarea, his celebration is at new years eve so this is why he visits Greece that day to give presents to the kids. Saint Nicholas in the Christian Orthodox religion is no related to the happy Santa who gives presents to the children but he is the protector of the sailors. For this reason, Greek people used to decorate a small ship instead of a tree at the day of Christmas, yet they barely do nowadays since the tree has won over that tradition.**

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Bakura : I searched the Wikipedia about that asshole called Santa Claus. He is not the only one, there's one more f*ucking old man called Santa Bill.

Author : I made Weevil mention Caesarea of Santa Bill you freak! You might have asked me, you know!

Weevil : What the f*ck, you put words on my mouth! I'll send you my cockroach army!

**Author screams like a maniac**

Bakura I command you to stop! Obey me!

Author : You have to obey ME, my slave, or I''ll have Santa Bill visit Yugi, just for a change!

**Marik bursts into anger**

Marik : Holy shit!!

**Millenium Toilet shines and speaks in ancient Egyptian language**

Marik : What? You want both Santas to sit on you?

**Millenium Toilet shines more**

Marik : What the hell, leave it alone. Lets get to the point. We have to kidnap both Santas now! And keep our plan secret from that strange sl*tty author!

Zorc : I have an idea , let's destroy Greece! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!

Author : Don't worry, the Greek government does this for you!

Bakura : Shut up! It's settled : I will sent her to the Shadow Realm for good! And she'll be forced to watch splatter movies.

**Author is sent to the Shadow Realm**

Marik : At last. By the way, I brought you the reindeer costume, Bakura, you have to wear this.

Bakura : I won't, I am not that stupid!

Weevil : Wear it, ha ha ha ha. You''ll look more fool than you are already!

Bakura : Grrrrrrrr... I said I won't!

Pegasus : Stop barking, my moisturising shearing won't be effective!

Marik : The hell with you Pegasus!

Pegasus : Fine, I am going to have Rebecca give me a blowjob. I love it because she doesn't need to to sit down.

Rex : Rebecca! I forgot that little whore!

Bakura : I got an idea. Let her do the job for us. She will kick the balls of that old man once she f*ck him.

Marik : And you will be dressed as a reindeer to support her!

Bakura : You idiot, I've refused one thousand times!

Marik : Do it or I will never give you again the Millenium Rod to play golf with the stupid Millenium Eye you took from Pegasus!

Bakura : Hmmm...Fine!

**Bakura gets dressed as reindeer. Everyone laughs at him.**

Bakura : Marik, I have accepted humiliation, now you 'll do what I say.

**Bakura brings a Mrs Santa Claus costume and laughs in a wicked way.**

Bakura : Now wear this, too, you fu**ing mortal!

**Marik gets dressed as Mrs Santa Claus.**

Pegasus : Lovely! But I won't give in, you're too old for me!

Marik : The hell with your preferences you psycho!

**Pegasus sings**

Pegasus : Psycho Killer, ques que ce est? Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa... Run run run...

Marik : Stop singing you fool! You're the reason music died!

Pegasus : S**k my balls. You haven't figured out a thing yet : HOW WILL YOU GO BOTH AT CAESAREA AND NORTHPOLE?

Zorc : Let's steal the aircraft of Seto Kaiba!

Pegasus : Oh lovely Kaiba boy, he gets me horny and I want to f**k him to death!

Marik : How do we do it you bastards? He has money, we won't stand a chance!

Rebecca : Kidnapping Mokuba! I will show him my boobs!

Pegasus : What boobs my little girl?

Rebecca : Oh...then I will give him a blowjob!

Bakura : It's so boring to kidnap that brat all the time!

Pegasus : Sure it is. But that will bring me closer to Kaiba boy, I am so happy!

Marik : Let's go! We have no time left!


	3. Chapter 3

**Plan A successfull**

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Marik : Now my evil council, let's sum up the plan : we need to kidnap those two stupid old men who give presents to the children. But to do that we have to steal one of the aircrafts of Seto Kaiba by kidnapping his brother.

Weevil : that's still 's not right hows it supposed to work. It's stupid you weaklings, my bugs can think more than you.

Rex : my dinosaurs, too.

Marik : what do you suggest if you consider to have a mind of your own?

**Bandit Keith appears**

Bandit : Stealing is a pleasure, I suggest we have Bakura steal the checkbook of that bad tempered rich guy.

Bakura: so, what's the use of you being here, too?

Bandit: nothing, I'm just a villain who demands more screentime.

Marik : Shut up you bald headed fool!

Bandit : I'm not bald!

Marik : Wearing a bandanna all the time implies that. After some time you'll be like my stupid servant Odion the bulb!

Rew : Hey! I'm wearing a cap!

Marik: That's why you're here, too stupid mortal dinosaur shit. Bald people are destined to become my most loyal servants!

**Odion appears. His bald head shines bright**

Marik: See? At least this freak has more confidence than you.

Bakura: That's out of the topic you scumbag.

Marik: I give you a point. Let's head to find that stupid brother of Seto Kaiba. In the meantime Bakura will be stealing the checkbook and the aircraft.

**Marik and Bakura tend to move but they have difficulty with the costumes. Everyone laughs at them.**

Marik: Silence my stupid servants! If you're jealous buy a costume on your own!

Pegasus: I don't need it, my skin needs to breathe or I'll get filled with wrinkles!

Bakura: I've had enough of that gay, he's worse than a woman who speaks stupid.

Pegasus: Women, especially little girls just need to open their mouth for specific reasons only.

Marik: It's time we put our butts to motion! Let's head to that cursed corporation you fools!

**Rebecca heads to Kaiba corporation and flirts with security**

Rebecca: I want to see cupid little Mokuba!

Security : What relationship do you have with the boss small brother?

Rebecca : I'm his girlfriend, and my teddy misses him, too!

Security :You stay here, I'm gonna call him.

**Bakura slips from the back entrance and heads to the office of Seto Kaiba who took his brother to take him down to Rebecca. **

S. Kaiba : What the hell a stupid girl is doing here?

Rebecca : Shut up or I'll have teddy ruin your fringe giant pervert! It's your brother I want!

**Mokuba gets surprised**

Mokuba: Me? I don't know you!

Rebecca : You liar! All the men are the same! We had made love and you left me!

Mokuba : I don't remember anything.

Rebecca : Of course you don't! Let me remind you!

**Rebecca shows her boobs. Kaiba brothers freeze. **

Rebecca : What happened to you? You've never seen boobs before? I have bombs, too!

S. Kaiba : Are those supposed to be boobs?

Mokuba : I hoped that you could tell me bro. Guess you have no idea either.

Rebecca: He he he teddy's gonna love this! Mister Kaiba, you can have sex with my teddy or mister Pegasus!

S. Kaiba: I had enough of you girl, it's stupid to waste time and money. Mokuba, I'm going back to my office. I've got to test a new discover of me.

**Meanwhile Marik and the council peek at them. Pegasus suffers.**

Marik : What happened to your eye Pegasus?

Pegasus: It's because of that Kaiba boy, he got me so horny my penis aroused and hit my eye!

Marik : Ignore him. Plans going perfect, Rebecca's distracting small boy, let's get him!

Bandit : Why take that brat? We don't need him now.

Pegasus : Take him, take him! I'd love to have more company in our little games with Rebecca!

Marik: Just shut the fuck up you uselless mortals!!

Zorc : I have an idea! Let's destroy Kaiba corporation!

Marik : That's not on the plan.

**In the meantime, a huge aircraft rises in the air. The evil council of doom is running after it. **

Rebecca : Ha ha ha ha you fell for that you little innocent brat!

Mokuba : Will you kidnap me?

Rebecca : No, I am sick and tired of that!

Mokuba : Please kidnap me! It's a long time it happened and I am bored of doing nothing!

Rebecca : Fine, come with me!

Mokuba : Hey! What's that? My brother's aircraft!

Rebecca : We just stole it muahahahahahahahahaha and go get Santa Claus and Santa Bill!

Mokuba : Wow! That's great! I am coming with you!

Rebecca : Wait! I have to hit you otherwise it will not look like a kidnapping!

**Mokuba faints and Rebecca takes him with her. After some time, they reunite with the evil council of doom and embark at the aircraft.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Plan B?**

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**The council of doom has gathered at the aircraft. **

**Marik wonders why Mokuba Kaiba is there, too.**

Marik : You foolish girl! What the hell were you thinking when you kidnapped that little brat? We had a change of heart concerning the plan, if you remember well!

Pegasus : Bad Rebecca girl, I shall punish you so hard you will enjoy it!

Rebecca : It's not my fault you punks! He asked me himself to kidnap him! Hey Mokuba, wake up now!

**Mokuba has not regained consciousness yet. Bakura gets him and slaps him.**

Bakura : Nothing happens, you hit him for good. I still wonder how a girl as weak as you did this to him!

Rebecca : Hey don't look at me! My teddy stroke him so as to make it look like a kidnapping!

Bakura : Fine, we know now what to do. I hate to say this but you leave me with no choice. Pegasus, pretend you have s*x with Kaiba!

Pegasus : Ohhhh...! Oh my god...! You're so hot Kaiba boy, I just love it! Yes, speak bad to me, call me names, I enjoy it!!

**Mokuba wakes up and stares angrily at Pegasus.**

Mokuba: Hey! Where is my brother? What have you done to him you anomalous freak?

Pegasus : Nothing yet, small Kaiba boy, but he will give in in the end.

Mokuba : In your dreams, just like my brother says!

Marik : Now tell us, you filthy kid. Why did you want to get kidnapped?

**Mokuba sees Marik and Bakura dressed in Mrs Santa Claus and reindeer and laughs at them. **

Marik : I command you to stop laughing, or I'll get you back to your rich bro!

Bakura : And I will send you to the shadow realm, making company to the sl**ty author who's watching splatter movies the very moment we talk!

Mokuba : Pleaseeeeeeeeee don't do that!

**Everyone stares at Mokuba in curiosity.**

Marik** : **What the heck**, **I've never seen a person who likes to be the victim before!

Mokuba : I just love it! It's the only time my brother gets interested in me! Then, he finds me and hugs me, even smile! Most of the times I ask the villains to kidnap me! It's a great game to test my brother's love!

Pegasus : I am so jealous of you boy! Now tell me : does he kiss nicely?

Bakura : Why do you care about that? You just want to f**k him!

Pegasus : Hey guys, I don't want only s*x! I want some feeling, too!

Weevil : Ha ha ha ha you idiot! Feeling, ha ha ha ha!

Rex : This is really weird for Pegasus to say something like that!

Marik : Just shut up all of you, we don't care about his stupid feelings! We need to concentrate on our plan on kidnapping the Santas! And I want to know who will distract those fat men!

Pegasus : That's why we have the lovely kids to do that! I have a plan, let me take them in one of those rooms to explain...!

Marik : I forbid you my slave! At least don't scr*w the brother of that guy, otherwise we will be in trouble.

Bakura : Are you jealous, Marik?

Marik : No way you foolish man! I am an absolutely straight man who looks like a girl!

Bakura : What an achievement! I bet the world will be surprised by that!

Marik : Just shut up!! We need to get to the Santas with this airship!

Zorc : Let me command the aircraft! Then let's destroy it!

**In the meantime, at Kaiba corporation Seto Kaiba is furious about losing his brother.**

Seto : I will fire you all you useless creatures! How dare you hide him from me!

Security A : Boss, we have no signs of him!

Seto : You're lying! I know he's somewhere hidden playing with his dolls!

Security B : Boss, Mr Kaiba Junior is missing! Really missing!

Seto : What the hell, I can't do anything without his help! Who on earth will be used as my personal sack of box? I wanna beat that stupid adopted bastard!

Security A : You're adopted, too, boss!

Seto : You're fired , you scum!

Security B : Mister Kaiba, he must have been kidnapped!

Seto : Oh SHIT! They will have all the fun in the world! I won't allow that, I've got to find that stupid brat!

Security B : He's your brother, Boss!

Seto : You're fired, too!!

**The securities leave the office of Seto Kaiba and they hear his screaming :**

Seto : I JUST HATE THAT KID !

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**Author : Someone help me! I can't stand watching more splatter movies!**

**Leona* : Come back soon! I've got a performance to give, you silly girl ! I need you to write about that! And yes I know, my uncle's a freak !**

**Author :Lol **

**It was short but I hope you liked it! xD**

***For those who don't know, Leona's the OC from my trilogy.  
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	5. Chapter 5

**Total Failure**

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**The evil council of doom reaches north pole and they're looking for santa claus. Still, they 're going around circles and they haven't found him. Marik is furious about Zorc's gps.**

Marik : What the hell is going on with your gps Zorc? We should have found that fat man by now!

Bakura : We should have found if even by looking with naked eye!

Weevil : How are you supposed to see with those silly costumes you wear? Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Rex : Look who's talking, the boy with the four eyes!

Weevil : Shut up you filthy lizard. You're the reason dinosaurs ceased to exist by seeing your ugly face!

Marik : Silence stupid servants or I'll have Odion take care of you!

Bakura : Let me send them to the Shadow Realm ! I had enough of those two kiddos. They're so awful even Pegasus doesn't f*ck them!

Marik : Stop being out of character Bakura. Everyone knows you're not so bitchy!

Bakura : You could try me, you know. Everyone knows you like reindeer in secret Mrs Santa Claus!

Marik : Anyway, I want Zorc to answer me why this stupid gps doesn't work!

Zorc : Because I have destroyed the world, there's nothing to be shown! Muaha hahahahahaha!

Bakura : Hmmm...I think it needs some batteries. Let's check those rooms.

**Meanwhile...**

**Pegasus has taken both Mokuba and Rebecca in a room and both kids sit at his knees.**

Pegasus : My sweet kids, do you know why does Santa live on north pole?

Rebecca : Because he's so fat he needs a whole continent!

Pegasus : What about you small Kaiba boy?

Mokuba : Well...stories tell he's got a toy factory, almost like my brother...

**Marik enters the room with Bakura.**

Marik : But he doesn't pay taxes like your stupid brother, ha ha ha ha!

By the way, I have warned you not to screw him, Pegasus!

Mokuba : What is the definition of the word screwing?

Bakura : What Marik does when he puts his millenium rod in his butt!

Pegasus : Ohhh that's lovely! I want that rod, too, it may be a good substitute of big Kaiba boy!

Marik : Shit, I want some batteries, have you found any of them inside this room?

Pegasus : Well well, I don't know about that. With those kids my Christmas edition vibrator depicting the Santa Claus is of no use to me!

Marik : WHAT DID YOU SAY?

Pegasus : Do you want me to borrow that to you? Sorry, I have sold it to someone so stupid he thought it was a gps!

Bakura and Marik : ZORC!!

Bakura : Wait! You hadn't told us anything when Marik took it in his hands.

Pegasus : Why should I? Zorc is a stupid jackass who thinks Santa Claus exists!! I put him the idea of ruining Christmas! It was a lovely plan to get closer to Seto Kaiba, since it was obvious we had to steal him! And small Kaiba boy came as a lottery to us, Kaiba boy will be so angry he will f*ck me in the end! That's just perfect!

Zorc : I have an idea then. Let's f**k the world!!

**Marik farts Zorc, showing his full indifference towards him. The council is more concerned about Santas non existence info.**

Bakura : All in all, you mean neither Santa Claus nor Santa Bill exists, you slave! And who brings the presents to the kids?

Pegasus : The parents of the kids you silly cute boy!

**Mokuba and Rebecca are sobbing for learning such a horrible truth :**

Pegasus: Don't cry my sweet kids, papa is here to comfort you! Just look at the bird and smile...!!

**Pegasus unties his pants. Mokuba looks curiously at Pegasus pe**s.**

Mokuba : Is that a bird? It's so small I can't see it!

Pegasus: *sigh* I was afraid you might say that. Tell me my boy, does your brother have a bigger one? You know what they say about tall guys...!!

**Marik gets so furious he starts shouting at Pegasus :**

Marik : You pathetic asshole with all your psychotic obsessions go and f*ck you!! You tricked all of us! No Santas, and we are in trouble by kidnapping Mokuba and having stolen Kaiba's checkbook and aircraft!

**Meanwhile, another aircraft shaped like a blue eyes blue dragon (yes a blue eyes BLUE dragon, where the hell is the white on it?????) has approached the aircraft of Marik and his council. Seto Kaiba tranfers a message to the central cockpit of the aircraft.**

Seto : Ha ha ha ha ha! You inferior beings! You thought you could get all the fun by kidnapping my brother but guess what-only me, Seto Kaiba has the right to that filthy kid! He's all mine to hit and beat and punch and kick and whatever I want!

Marik : The hell with your brother! He asked us to kidnap him because he's sick and tired of your behavior!

Mokuba : No! I love my brother, I am so happy to know that he came after me! Seto, get me back and hit and beat me and punch and kick me with all your brotherly love!!

Seto : I'll get you back my bro, after I f**k all those people, and f**k you as well for leaving my side!!

Bakura : Mokuba's such a masochist it gives me the creeps.

Pegasus : Hey Kaiba boy! F*ck me all you want!! This is the happiest day of my whole life!!

** ¬The End¬**

**Author : **Heyyyyyyyyy! Set me free someone!! No more splatter movies pleeeeaaaaaaaseeeeeeeee!

**Leona : **OK, let's switch it to p*rn! Oh shit, I am beginning to speak like my uncle! xD

**Author: **You shall pay for that! Someone send me back!!

**Bakura : **OK, you are spared in one condition. DON'T MAKE US LOOK LIKE SILLY FOOLS!

**Author : **Ok. I promise to make you look sillier in the future!

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**That was all! Sorry it took me so long to finish it but I didn't have time at all! Be sure you will have more oneshots from me in the future! And thanks all of you who like my parodies. I am happy to know that I can make you laugh! xD**


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